A moment in "Wonderland"..

i stumbled across something today. then, my stupid itchy hands decided to help me find out more n more. it made me think back about lots of stuff that happened years ago.

i dont really remember how it feels to be like me back then. but i always wonder..

what have i become? why am i like that now? was i REALLY like that? will i ever be better? will it be too late?

maybe i was naive. maybe i was playful. maybe i was childish? maybe i was stupid. maybe i was lazy. *blame, blame, blame*

wait. i AM stupid and lazy all the while.. for the results of my finals this sem isn't very acceptably okay at all.

what if i worked harder? what if i was smarter? what if i was more persevered? what if.. what if.. what if.. *ah.. sick!*

But i always do my best. That's why i always hope for the better NEXT time, instead of regretting. yes, that's why ppl keep changing for the better. and so do i. did i? hmm.. *wonders*

Look, im not regretting on anything that was done in the past. just that sometimes, it makes me wonder..

yes, i do think a lot!

and i'm still breathing...

why? why? why?

if only i could say things i wanna say..

for some reason, everything seems to be more difficult for me..

don't know why..

i always wonder..

why me??



why...??



i don't want complications..

i just want everything to be as simple as it SEEMS..

n i truly hope for the best for everyone around me..

i really do..

heartless

I don't believe in promises,
hope, trust nor faith! not anymore.
I only believe my eyes,
my heart and myself.

my heart is like a puzzle
of broken pieces of it.
that cannot be mend,
and will never be.

the softest wind,
the slightest touch,
would make it
fall to pieces, again..

every time it breaks,
it is put up as whole again,
but with increasing wounds,
scars and missing pieces..

till one fine day,
i will be heartless..
Nothing more to feel,
Nothing more to be cried over..

yes, it's YOU i'm talking to! so hear me out!

You don't deserve this.
Do you even care?
Yes, you cared about everything
Everything else but me.

My heart is an open door.
But all you did was kept it shut.
You never came, never called
Then everything just hit the wall.

This anger, frustration locked inside
Realizing there's nowhere left to hide.
You could never be like me.
You could never truly see.

My mind is clouded yet i feel no hate.
You look at me and i am swayed
till my feelings were pushed aside.
Then you do this to me all the time!

You don't deserve this.
So why am i doing this?

Bad "gift"

"Yesterday is history. Tomorrow's a mystery. Today is a gift. That's why it is called the present..."

If i can choose, i would rather not have this "present"!

Everything's so messy & uncertain..

All kinds of feelings are going through me lately..

fear, worried, sad, disappointed, hate, confused, stress, etc..

My days are just getting harder & harder for me..

And it sucks..

Arghh.. KILL ME!!!